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another be-lated update

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May. 21st, 2006 | 09:27 pm
mood: disappointeddisappointed

so ya, my dieting is not working out, i feel like that i don't care anymore. i am fatter than ever...i dunno, i have a hard time resisting the temptations if you know what i mean. my parents are worrying about my sister because she is worse, askin me for help, and i don't know what to say to them. sometimes your are tired of life, just really sick of it. thats one of the reasons y i don't want to have kids, if they go through their life thinking that they are not good enough, i wouldn't know what to do. for other people, they have a girlfriend or a boyfriend telling them that they are ok the way they are, and i don't even have that someone. one of the friends at home just started a relationship. i'm kinda envious, not jealous because ihaven't seen him before or even know him, but just envious because she has someone else in her life now. for me, i am just the girl at work who is not as skinny as her sister.......i try to take pictures of myself, i realize that i don't know how to smile..well, i look stupid every single time. my skin is bad, the fat on my body is disgusting. i guess nowdays i am trying to rationalize everything, but sometimes when reality kicks in, i really break down...

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